Surprise.. Surprise..

Her Life; Part XIV.

"Why would you cry over me? You shouldn't have.. and how could you believe what she said? You know how much I love you right?" That's the thing.. she didn't know how much he loved her. She smiled like an idiot to the screen and she didn't know what to say, but she was seeing him tomorrow I guess that was good enough for her!

The next day they went to her friend's cabana for Iftar.. and they had so much fun.. until the girl who called her showed up, she couldn't treat her in a bad way, especially that the girl didn't know that she knew she called her.. and Mister A didn't like that.. so he stopped talking to her.. the usual, but this time she didn't know what was wrong.. she kept trying and trying, but she's hurting and she didn't want to seem so desperate, more than she already is..

Weeks pass by and they still haven't talked but finally...

Could things get any worse? II

Her Life; Part XIII.

She woke up and she decided to text Mister A. "So, H called me and he said that you didn't know about the phone call, and you had nothing to do with it.. Bye" she didn't know what else to say, it's not like she did anything wrong to apologise for, or not talk to him now that she knows that he has nothing to do with it..

The same day but more later during the afternoon, he sent her "Why didn't you tell me what happened last night on the phone?" she paused for a minute, thinking of a reply.. When I heard your voice I started crying.. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe.. the only word I could say was 'nothing' though it was the complete opposite, I imagined you telling me what I was told on the phone and it hurt even more, I couldn't tell you all that because then you would've actually heard me cry.. her thoughts continue but she types the following "I was crying, no big deal" the part that shocked her was his reply, she never expected him to say what he said.. Never expected him to be like that.. Never thought those word would ever be told by him, Mister A..

Could things get any worse?

Her Life; Part XII.

The phone call completely devastated her, she couldn't do anything but think what did she ever do to deserve this, she lost confidence, became even more insecure, and sense then she's afraid of rejection.. Why? Because of 1 stupid phone call!

She deleted Mister A off of everything she owns, all what's left was delete him off her life.. That was her and J's plan.. Except.. He goes to J and asks her "Why did she delete me?" And J says she knows nothing of this.. Because he doesn't like her telling J and her best friends the things that happen between them, anyway.. He sends her a request again and she asks J should I accept? J's reply was unusual "Yes, apparently he knows nothing of what happened!" She did.. After of course her other best friend A, called him and screwed his life up on the phone.. It's was 3:45 AM when he sent her.. "Can I call?" She couldn't say anything but yes. When she answered the phone he kept asking what happened and all she could say was nothing.. Then the line broke.. She cried, and cried, and for the first time ever, she ran to her mom's arms and told her everything, her mom was supportive and was there for her, again for the first time ever! H called her, Mister A's best friend, and for a while was hers too.. He made her laugh and told her he'll take care of everything.. This cheered her up a bit but couldn't do anything but cry herself to sleep..

The next day..

Summer time!

Her Life; Part XI.

With June session being over, it's finally close enough to go to summer camp! Her friends and her were traveling together, to.. Let's keep it a secret.. She was so excited and loving the idea, she's packing her bags and shopping and all that, but wait.. Where's Mister A?

Mister A's gone.. Not literally though! He's off to.. Let's keep this a secret too.. for summer, and he was coming back. That was okay, she got him a gift and they talked occasionally from time to time, but it was okay, and it really was! The whole issue was when they both came back from traveling, she was all perky and happy and excited about him being here, he didn't even give a shit.. Which was started ruining everything!

They drifted apart, she thinks he stopped caring about her, which wasn't an issue but that doesn't necessarily means treat her in a bad way! What the hell did I do to you? She thought.. 

It was Ramadan, and they started talking again.. But one unfortunate day was when a girl called her.. Pretty much the worst phone call in her life, and that was when things started falling apart for good!

What do you think happened?

Expecting the unexpected II

Her Life; Part X.

So we continue with her expecting the unexpected.. for the next few minutes let's see the story from her emotional point of view..

I'm with the perfect guy but in a not-so-perfect relationship, I know he's not romantic and doesn't know how to treat a girl.. but I love him, and he loves me and that's all there is.. he doesn't get jealous I know but I know he loves me, he might not show it the way I want him to but he does.. I'm sure he does..

Her thoughts were wrong.. he didn't love her.. If he did he wouldn't have left her.. Yes he left her. How? He told H to tell her.. and he moved on, he didn't care how she felt, and all what he said was "I'm sorry, please forgive me" like I ever will she thought.. but she did, she loved him too much not to forgive him!

In about two days he talked to her, and she was so happy he did! And ever since then they were together with no labels, they'd tell each other how much they love each other, but they don't go out on dates.. official dates that is.. but that's okay she thought again.. this kept going on until...

Expecting the unexpected

Her Life; Part IX.

He loves me.. he actually loves me!! her thoughts as she read through the text of "I know what you mean, I love you too"
For the next 2 days things are awkward with them, he doesn't talk or ask about her.. but his best friend says he's just shy.. shy?! from what exactly?! she felt like she's been pranked, she felt like a fool.. but then he told her that they should go out together, and they did.. along with J, and H (the best friends) and billion more people.. not the perfect date, but at least I'll know where we stand she said to J and her sister..

They went out, had fun.. and finally he told her that he wants to be with her, by now you should expect how excited she was! They get together.. but again love isn't always the reason why the relationships work out..

she still expects the unexpected...

Oh my God, I've finally found the one!

Her Life; Part VIII.

November of grade 11; It was her friends' surprise birthday party, she went.. she met a guy she never met before, like she literally didn't know he existed, that is Mister A, at that time she was dating a guy let's say his name was Y, he lived abroad so they didn't get to see each other much, but that's okay she thought distance should make the love stronger not weaker.
Soon Mister A and her started talking a lot, but only on chats.

December of grade 11; It was her best friends' surprise birthday party, so she obviously went. At that time she just got her new professional camera as a gift from her father the Canon 550D, she loved it with all her heart, it was almost as if the camera was her daughter. At the party she saw Mister A and immediately started talking to him and they started joking around, she thought he was really funny in a lame kind of way, but never had feelings for him, because she was still with Y. By the end of December, Y had broken up with her and her best friend J was there for her, like she always were the moment she knew her.

January of grade 11; She started liking Mister A, which was wrong for many reasons, but her heart is too weak and eventually she got a MASSIVE crush on Mister A. Her best friends threw her a surprise birthday party, she never expected it, I can't believe they threw me a birthday party, I love them so much.. I think I'm about to cry her exact thoughts. Mister A came to the party, and she was so glad he did, they talked, he wrote on her birthday card, and she had a great time, she told her mom "this was the best day of my life"

February of grade 11; Her friend thought that it would be a good thing if she told Mister A how she felt, but she was worried she'd lose him. On Valentine's Day she wrote a Valentine card, but she was going to give it to her friend, not to Mister A, except that he did take it, and he wrote her one as well. It's written in a bad hand writing, on a graph sheet with a mathematical equation written on the back, but it's the best Valentine card I've ever gotten, she thought.. Not that she got many Valentine cards before, she just loved it in a goofy way. The same day, around 08:00 PM she was talking to Mister A on chat, and they were having a very serious conversation about how she changed with him, in a bad way.. I love you, you idiot! How can I change in a bad way? she thought.. and that was when she told him the she "liked" him.. and she got the most unusual reply...

Things start falling apart again

Her Life; Part VII.

As we all know good things don't last long.
Her new life has been perfect for so long, too good to be true she thought, and it was too good to be true, soon she had a fight with all her new friends, they drifted apart, they started talking about her, she felt bad, and she decided to make new friends.
They were younger than her, 3 years younger, but it didn't matter, she felt like she belonged, they had fun, they made memories, and she forgot about her friends, her old friends.
The year passed, and it's summer again.. she didn't spend it with her friends, her new ones yeah she did, but the old ones? doesn't know where there are, how they've been, all that.. she went to the beach, had fun, all that.. but not with her classmates..
Soon enough her November session began, she's an IGCSE student you know, she met them, said hi, and went to her classes normally.. not putting in mind how much she missed hanging out with them, she felt alone for a bit, but she got herself together and moved on..

Another year of high school..

Her new Life; Part VI.

First day of grade 10: She's in a new school, meeting new people, she's all grown up now.
Her class was the best class she could ever go to, not educationally, but people-wise.. people here are amazing she thought.
There was the handsome guy, who she immediately got a crush on, and there was the jock.. a football freak, and there was the smartones, the VERY smart ones, and then comes the class clowns, and the calm people, and the artists, and finally her, not part of any group yet.. 29 people + her, trying to fit in.
She couldn't get used to the "too much english means you're showing off" policy, and her accent isn't helping her at all.. luckly she immediately made friends, and she was close to all of them, and for the very first time.. she loved the first day of school.

too bad good things never last long enough.

To new beginings

Her Life; Part V.

It's been a month since Mr. and Mrs. X got back together, they fought, made-up, fought again, and made-up again, but one thing she wanted to do almost everytime they fought is leave him.. they're of 2 different religions, it's not that she's racist but she knows they have no future together.. everytime they fought, she's about to say it.. I have to leave you.. but she couldn't, she didn't want to hurt him the same way he hurt her.
In less than a week after the last time they fought, she gets a text from him.. it said: "We can't continue together, I don't want to hurt you anymore".. it hurt her so much to reply back, so she closed the phone, and silently cried herself to sleep. 2 days later, people come and tell her that Mr. X left her so he could date someone else, someone more beautiful, thinner, funnier, nicer.. that's what she thought, and she goes back to her world breaking down, except this time it was summer, and she's leaving school and he's off to college!
"TO NEW BEGINGINGS" she said excitedly!

Hangouts.. the awkward side of them..

Her Life; Part IV.

It's thursday.. Finally, the week-end.. her thoughts and everyone else's.. she gets home, gets dressed, puts on her make up and leaves the house.
In about 15 minutes she reaches the mall, and calls her friends to let them know she arrived and asked where they were. She sees her friends, hugs and kisses them and sits on the last chair on the table.. in the next 15 minutes they chatted, gossiped, and told each other about the problems they have with their parents, boyfriends, other friends, ofcourse because they're girls the conversation wasn't over in 15 minutes, but instead it got interupted by the boys' arrival.. "Hey guys!" her friend said, the guys replied, and said hello to everyone personally.. but the most unexpected guy was there.. Mister X, and by that he's obviously her ex-boyfriend.. he wasn't part of the group, hence "unexpected" part.
They shake hands, but silently.. he made sure no one but him sits next to her, making her feel happy but sad at the same time.. I love the fact that he's sitting next to me but why? she thinks.. but the thought didn't last long.. he soon said "I need to talk to you" paused a little and then "privately please".. and her thoughts changed.. what does he want to say? didn't he say there's nothing to talk about the last time we actually had a conversation? I'm freaking out right now! Does he want me back?! Oh my God what is he going to say.. and again the thought gets interrupted by "I miss you".. her feelings flourish within a second of time, and she just wanted to scream out loud and say I miss you too but he took her by surprise "and I love you.. I'd completely understand if you stopped loving me but I thought I have to tell you this.. I want you back, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm an idiot for letting you go".. that same second she thought she couldn't be happier, she kept listening to whatever he said, but couldn't get over 3 simple words: "I love you".. suddenly she stopped hearing anything he said and fantasized about her life with him and soon she was brought back to reality by a touch on her hand and ".. So? what do you say?" she had to play hard to get, which is ironic because the word "Yes" was running through her head like crazy.. her words her "I don't know.." and before she continues her sentence he says "Please! I can't live without you!" she giggles a little and says "okay, okay, yes I want to get back to you".. he hugs her, and it feels like they're the only two people in the world.. she missed him, she missed every part of him.. but her heart and mind finally agree on one thing.. this is a mistake

Her feelings.. on paper

Her Life; Part III.

I'm lost, I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I'm useless, I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm worthless. I'm not good enough.. her everyday thoughts, when she wakes up and before she sleeps.. Why can't I get anything right in this life? Why can't I be like any other girl? This isn't jealously.. this is insecurity.. I hate my life! She continues to think that way until... "I'm going to bed," she says "Good night mom, good night dad, love you." and the most unexpected thing happens.. her grandma appears in her dream... "Nana!" she shouts "I miss you so much!" her grandmother doesn't give the usual reply but instead she says.. "I'm here to get you out of your silly thoughts, who in the world got you thinking that you're ugly? not good enough? who are they so I pop up in their dream and make them suffer" this made her laugh.. in her dream ofcourse "that's only me nana" she says.. "then I'm going to make you suffer, are you insane? you should feel better about yourself! you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, the most intelligent, and the most brilliant, I love you so much" she longs for her grandma's hug, not in her dreams but in real life, for her grandma died when she was only 5, "I miss your hug, nana" she says "I miss your hug too, pumpkin.. but there's nothing we can do about it, just pray to God that we get together again in Heaven soon" she wakes up, with a tear on her cheek, but the dream actually made her feel better!
She got dressed for school, packed her bag, ate her breakfast, and took off, cheerfully and joyfully.. her happiness appeared vivdly, her smile is wider, her face is brighter, and for the first time ever people can actually see her dimples!
Another chemistry class and off to the lab they go.. when she passes by her ex-boyfriend this time things are different.. the laugh isn't fake anymore, no more tears, no more worlds crashing down.. she didn't forget about him, she still loves him, the only difference is.. she now loves herself more than she loves him.. and today he noticed.

High school.. holy shit!

Her life; Part II.

First day of grade 9, "the hell I'm going through" she thinks.. but that thought goes away as soon as she sees her friends, hugs and kisses all around and they get into class, waiting for their homeroom teacher to come.
First 3 periods pass, 4th period is chemistry "Lab time," their teacher tells them "get your books and pencil case and hurry up." As they reach the lab, her ex-boyfriend passes by (that was a secret from her parents) and she feels her world crumble.. she still loved him, with every broken piece of her heart, while her world is falling apart inside her, her fake smile can't get any better.. and finally what really broke her, their eye contact.. she felt like she was nothing to him, like their memories only exist in her dreams.. her eyes fill up with tears.. "1..2..3..4.." she continues to count, counting calms her down.
The rest of the classes pass by quickly, and off she goes home. In the car her mom asks her how the first day of school went.. terrible, I saw him, he moved on, he forgot about me, I didn't, I never felt weaker, I almost died, I hated today, I hated it.. that's what she wanted to say, but instead.. "It was great mom, I loved it" she lied.

Why is she like this?

Her life; Part I.

As she grows up, her father becomes more and more strict, depriving her of all girly needs; no boy friends, no boyfriend, no mobile phone, nothing, and it kills her.

She hides everything from her parents, they soon become strangers. She became completely isolated, living two lives; a quiet, tranquil life with her parents, and a loud, fairytale in her room. "Headphones on, world off" she says, every time she leaves her parents, even for a little while.

In that life everything was perfect according to her, all her friends in a chat room, talking freely to everyone without being judged or critisized, and the more she drowns in her world, the more the real world becomes a strange place, people start thinking why is she like this? and who's to be blamed? the people who brought her up in this world her parents.